Here I am, Narsim, with another recipe. I have cooked everything that has moved once upon a time. What should I cook now?  A fish, you say? Which one? Ah! Monkfish! It is a poor man’s lobster. Really, I do not know why poor people have great yearnings. You hear champagne on beer budget and so on. Monkfish is amazing. It is the ugliest aquatic that has escaped Neptune’s wrath. Its skin is thicker than a politician’s. Peeling monkfish skin is harder than getting rid of your mother-in-law. Like on Super Bowl Sunday. Of course, my mother-in-law is an angel. Oh yeah, babe. We never faced a peeling situation together. However, she is perfectly capable to skin anyone alive.

If you have nothing better to do, I love to hear from you. Thanks.

Email: ganti@patmedia.net

Monk-Fish Ambrosia

Get a pound of Monk-fish. Peeled! The only bone in it is the spine. This white mass of ecstasy can win you a relationship that was going nowhere fast. My childhood sweetheart from Bengal inspires the recipe below. That’s a lie. Anyways the recipe is genuine.

Ingredients

1.       1 lb skinned monk-fish. Washed and peeled. Why? We don’t know where this fish swam while living. That’s why. And the skin is revolting.

2.       Four cloves garlic. Use more or less. I don’t care. You are going to eat this. Not me.

3.       Equal amount of fresh ginger root. Peel it. If you are left handed. It tastes better.
We need some tartness.

4.       Use 1-tablespoon white vinegar if you are a Scorpio. Or, use 1-tablespoon tamarind juice if you are a Libra. Reasonable people can use lemon juice. The yellow one. If you are not, use lime juice. It will ruin the dish. But then, how can I stop you.

5.       The secret ingredient. It is black mustard seed paste. About 2-tablespoons. How can you make a paste? Pound it. In a mortar with a pestle. Add water. Remember it is a paste. Not powder.  I am lazy, you say. Buy coarse mustard paste. Grocers sell it. But you have to get to the store. Lazy!! Get a guy who does chores. Pay him.

6.       Oil. Mustard is fine. If not use flavorless oil. Not olive. It has the same character as your ex-boyfriend. Stay away from both.

7.       A pinch of salt.

Method

1. Put the fish in a baking dish. Not the plastic kind. We don’t cook dishes. We cook a dish. Figure that, Einstein.
2. Blend the mustard paste, garlic and ginger. Where? In a blender. If you don’t have a blender. Get a life.
3. Rub the fish gently with the blended paste. Or, go ahead and molest the fish with the paste. The fish does not care. It is beyond that stage in life.
4. Sprinkle two tablespoons oil and the tart ingredient-4.
5. Now, you have a very happy looking massaged monk-fish.
6. What about salt? Wise guy. OK. Just rub it on the fish.
7. Bake it. 30 minutes at 375 F. Gas guys with oven marks, and metric morons do the math. I can only meet you half way.
8. Serve it. Immediately. Or, the week next. It is your food. Who am I to tell you? 
9. Important. If you don’t like the way the fish tastes, it will not hurt its feelings. Mine are a different matter. Good eating. Or, as the French say Bon Appetite!